Thursday, January 9, 2014

just so you know

just so you know...God has been speaking to me this week.  not in an audible voice, or even a Voice that says "YOU...should do this..." or that or whatever.  But thoughts that seem like my own, but all of a sudden they're so clear.  They wake me out of my sleep at 4-ish a.m. and i have to quickly write them down in my journal so i don't forget...but  I can't forget the impression He is making on me.  He cares. He knows. He seems my heart and is finding just the right time, when my heart is ready, to reveal the things I need to know.  And you know what? They are things I knew all along.  Things I'm not ready to share in this blog quite yet, no, I'm still chewing on them, as i chew on this cereal. (yes, my empty stomach also plays a part in waking me up in the wee hours, but still...)  That's all i have to say for now.  but Praise Jesus.  and Thank Him for His wonderful mercy.  For not trying to change the way He has created his children, their basic makeup, and not giving them an easy way out of difficulties, but for strengthening our hearts, our inner beings, so we can go back and do the things we have to do.  Even the hardest things in the world.  the seemingly impossible.  wow. i'm not loving the place i'm in right now. it hurts like hell.  there. i said it. a bad word. judge me. God doesn't.  but i'm becoming more of the me he created me to be,every day.    just loving the moment right now.  but as sure as this clock above me ticks, soon the world will be waking up again, my quiet alone session will be over, and i will be reminded of my usual hard situation and  the ways i try to compensate for it in my own sinful ways of pretend or escape.  but deep down i will remember this moment. this stillness and perfect love with the Lord.  I love you Jesus.  amen and goodnight...(good morning??)

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