Scattered thoughts, random musings, sudden inspirations..scrawled into various small notebooks I keep everywhere, journals, post-it notes, scraps of paper, recipe cards laying around while I'm cooking, whatever I can find to write on, then stashed secretly away...in bags, purses, other books, pockets, or even underclothing...(did i just say that?) until I have time to deposit them either here or in a private my-eyes-only journal. I wonder why I am so addicted to this...i mean sometimes i'm thinking, why don't i just keep my big fat mouth shut for once. but i can't. it's a writer's curse. i can't stop the words. the muse works 24/7, especially in this past year. the stuff's gotta come out of me. somehow. it's my loudest voice. my bravest. also the looniest. the most honest. and the most scatter-brained.
One day, I may write a book. Yes, a real, actual, planned, researched, organized, re-written, edited, proofread, book. Bound or electronic? doesn't matter. maybe cheaply self-published. what about? who knows. My latest idea is that of a novel, of a character vaguely similar to myself, only the names are changed, and the setting and details more dramatic. I will use pieces of this blog as the fodder, the cow's cud, interspersed among the narrative to express this imaginary character's true feelings. my own, disguised as hers. But of course her life, this brave heroine, will be much more exciting than mine. She may do things like jump out of airplanes or mud-wrestle electric eels in the Amazon. oh yes. perhaps even ride the rails in Europe as a spy. But her heart, her drama may be like mine, for i will know this character well.
or maybe i'll just write a cookbook.
whatever.
point is, i don't have a point. i'm a rambling crazy writer who has no focus yet. because i'm still lost in my own journey. waiting for the sun to peek in through the canopy of this rain forest, so I can slam these electric eels back down into the river with a powerful kick and a bone-crushing arm bar. oh wait. do eels have arms or bones? i think not.
now where was i going with this? gotta finish this later...time to sleep and dream of eels....then wake up and smash them all in body combat class. Hiiiiiiii-yaaaahhhh!!!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the following is an excerpt of an article i read recently and had only copied/pasted it here because i wanted to go back and use just a few quotes from it, not the whole thing, for fear of sharing TMI...but oh well. it is what it is. if you learned anything or were inspired at all, great.
oh. p.s. sorry about all my unedited, sloppy posts. i think i'm secretly hoping that my awkward, rough draft style of writing will turn off half my audience...the fewer readers i have the more uninhibited i feel in writing whatever i want. less pressure. one day i'll think about polishing things up to look good, but till then, i'm just here to let off steam.
another post is brewing in my head, but my body just got slammed at the gym today, seriously, so i need a nap. later...
You may feel a deep need for a mate, a partner, and a companion to ease your loneliness. Be patient, now is not the time. First, you must learn to be single.
“You don’t solve loneliness by getting married,” says Dr. Myles Munroe. “Some of the loneliest people in the world are married people. Nothing is worse than being lonely in a marriage because you’re trapped.”
Dr. Munroe says God designed people to be single.* He explains, “People walk around with a tremendous misconception of what it means to be single. Singleness, in its basic definition, means to be separate, unique, and whole. To be single means you are separate from everyone else, and you are unique in yourself-which means you recognize there’s no one like you, and you have worth within yourself. To be single also means you are whole; you don’t depend on other people to make you somebody. Until a person is completely single in these three areas, his or her relationships will always be a problem.”
Have you come to the point where you know you are separate, unique, and whole as a person? After you consider each of these three areas in your life, think about the longings and worries you have and the emotions you sometimes struggle with. Learn to recognize areas of your life that need work, and avoid new relationships with the opposite sex until you are completely single. God has a purpose for you in your singleness-don’t miss it!
“For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, … everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him” (Colossians 1:16 Msg).
Holy God, You have created me for a purpose that only I can fulfill. I am unique, special, worthwhile, and whole in You. Amen.
*Dr. Munroe’s definition of being “single” does not refer the the world’s concept of singleness, but rather being complete and whole in Christ (rather than needing another person to complete your identity). Subsequent messages will expand on this concept.
Today...I will stop looking at social media and feeling sadness and jealousy for those who spent their new years with friends, having the time of their lives. laughing and feeling free. i will not grieve the sadness in my heart. Today I will think of happy things. breathe the good air. Be thankful for my health, my family, the gifts, talents and dreams God has entrusted me with. why He chose to put such a wild dreaming heart in me, I don’t know, for I feel unable to obtain those dreams in my present situation. But I will begin to believe what God says about me. But first I will get back to work..
