The As If Principle

Hello?  (echo: hello,hello,hello,hello...o,o,o,o,o...)   Anybody in here?

Ahh, finally a quiet place to spill my thoughts.

Ew, is that a cockroach in the corner?  Gross, i hate those. Well, as long as it doesn't talk, doesn't tell anyone what I say here......but IF IT DOES....I will STOMP on that nasty critter.

Yes, I am here again, but on a different channel.  Trying to hide away from the hustle and bustle and nastiness of the internet world.   I am purging myself of most of my usual online habits, in order to keep some peace of mind.  I had gotten to a place where I could no longer take the roller coaster ride of emotions I was riding from surfing social media pages.  Seeing things that sent my heart plummeting, as if I had a reason to think I had any business caring about this stuff anyway.  Realizing that no, I really don't have any special connections "out there", that I was just hopefully reading between the lines of junk.  I had to get out...FAST.

At first I was so upset I just wanted to go cold turkey, but realized that wasn't realistic.  I enjoy some aspects of social media, around people who are real and "safe", or for news and stuff.  So I created some boundaries.  I know what hurts most, so I eliminated some specifics.  I may slip now and then, but only in the safer places.

This change put me in a new place.  Sort of like doing a detox cleanse for the body...only for the soul.  I realized, that without my imaginary internet connections, I am just a very empty, brokenhearted, lonely individual.  That isn't a comfortable feeling.  I feel extremely vulnerable, and prone to revert to my heart-numbing habits of pretending, if I'm not careful.

So I am choosing to be thankful for this time apart from my grand illusions, and focus on getting my life right.

I am still on sabbatical, by the way,  it's only just begun, but I had to find a place to share what I'm learning in counseling these days.  It might help someone, for free!

It's definitely helping me.   Like today's session.  We're actually talking about this upcoming "transition", referring to it like it's actually a thing!!!   That makes me so happy, and so scared, and sad, yet hopeful.  But we're not rushing anything, or setting a time frame yet, and I'm beginning to understand why.   In today's session, I relayed to her that my "numbers" (the score of my mood from 1-10) have been in the low 3's and 2's.  Pretty low place to be.  So we talked about finding ways to get those numbers up, by looking to the future with hope.  By starting now and planting seeds.

She encouraged me to keep planting more seeds, meaning, keep dreaming big for my future, brainstorming all the ideas and opportunities, career possibilities that I can imagine, and then taking those small steps to reach toward those dreams.  May sound simplistic and silly, but it makes sense.  She encouraged me to think about where I want to be in ten years from now.  And then to start researching things about that place where I want to be, and figure out how to get there.  To break it down into smaller steps.  Doable ones.



I'm excited about dreaming again, with the hope that these dreams can really come true.  I will start planting seeds by starting my new "job" tomorrow.   I will take my boy to school, then go to work.  I will go to my job two days a week, for just two hours each day, for starters.    My new job is great.  I get to drink lots of coffee, and there's no dress code.  I can show up in a chicken suit, if I want.  Just one rule: I have to wear a shirt and shoes.  (darn!)  The place of my office may vary from one day to the next... I will start out at the Ugly Mug.  Another day it may be Starbucks.  Yup, I'm starting my career as a writer.  Well, more seriously now, that is.  I can't "work" at home just yet, too many distractions which I don't have the self-discipline to avoid at this point, so I'll hang out at coffee shops for now.

My assumption is that, once we get me on a steady track of small successes in my new job, the beginnings of a self-sustaining income to provide for my needs in the future, and get a HUGE boost in my overall well-being and happiness with life again, THEN she will determine when it is time to start making those big changes.  (I'm SOOOOOO glad I finally found a counselor who isn't just pussy-footing around the issue, and who is also sensitive to my readiness, or lack thereof, (yet)  to take on the new changes!)

So I have to stay happy.  Avoid those sad places.  The more I look at things online that make me sad, the longer this thing will take.  I can't do it from a place of emotional hopelessness.   I need to be strong, with the kind of faith that believes in those things that aren't, as if they ARE!

Kind of like this principle she shared with me today, based on a book by the same title, which she also recommended.  It's called The As If Principle.  Here's the very same video she pulled up on her laptop and showed me this morning.  Take a looky:



Interesting, huh?   Maybe it sounds like a bunch of experimental psychology mumbo-jumbo, or maybe it really works!  Either way, I don't have anything to lose, so I'm going to go ahead and believe in the positive outcomes I dream about. And ACT on them!

That's all for now.  I've got a busy day ahead tomorrow, so best get to sleep.

Goodnight, Cockroach!!!



"The tiny seed knew that in order to grow,
it needed to...
be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness
and struggle to reach the light."
              - Sandra King