good grief

feeling a good kind of grief tonight. not the charlie brown kind of "good grief"...
but the kind of sadness that floats around you, almost comforting you, as you know that God is close to the brokenhearted, to those crushed in spirit.  knowing His presence is near is comfort enough.  i can walk down the path of sadness, kicking at the dead leaves of old regrets and mistakes...but i keep on walking. He is with me.  no idea of where the path is leading and that's ok.  just enjoying the quiet, the aloneness.  the fellowship with God alone.  not to isolate myself in an unhealthy way, but to honor this alone time with the Lord.  carefully, very selectively allowing a few trusted souls to see the eyes of my heart, or maybe just a glimpse.  this tender seedling of hope can be easily crushed, so i keep it hidden. safe.  perhaps someday i will share my story. if not, it's ok. God knows and understands.  if i can just hold onto this good kind of grief, i'll be ok. it's ok.

inspired

so what's the point of living
if for the majority of time
the centuries
we are either dead or unborn
we are only a speck
and then we're dead.
might as well
let the dead games begin.

BC 60 Preview

Howdy!

Since I missed going to my Body Combat class Thursday, I'll make up for it by copy-pasting the following from another blog I follow; here's the url:

:http://grandnat.co.uk/first-impressions-of-les-mills-body-combat-release-60/

Since we will soon be learning the BC 60 release ourselves in class, I thought I'd give a sneak peek from this instructor.  

First Impressions of Les Mills Body Combat release 60 after Edinburgh Quarterly

Yes – the next release of Les Mills Body Combat hits a fitness club near you soon.

Can release 60 – which celebrates 15 years of Body Combat – match up to the last one?

Our presenter for the Edinburgh Quarterly, the mighty Dave Cross, delivered a motivational masterclass. You know that Dave puts extra work into his delivery because he doesn’t just present a “live” version of the instructor DVD. It’s refreshing. You always come away from Dave’s quarterlies with new ideas.

As he unveiled Body Combat release 60 it became clear that it’s very similar to the last one. More “switch lunges” in the Capoeira track for example. However, I’m not sure the power tracks are as full on shoulder blasters but they come close.

Here’s what I remember:

• Hip rolls and endless roundhouse kicks in a lower body warm up set to a version ofKaty Perry’s Roar.
• A decent cover of Michael Jackson’s Black and White provides an intense first combat track.
• In track 3 we see a return of a song last seen in release 29 - Fly Away. Prepare for an onslaught of never-ending hooks.
• A new move in t he Muay Tai called, “The Superman Punch”, challenges your co-ordination. This might take some getting use to. The rest of the MT track could reduce you to a breathless sweaty heap.
• Dan says that the Abs track is the hardest they’ve ever done. Not sure that’s true but it does hurt.
• Last seen in release 20 – we cooldown to Now We Are Free – that moody song from Gladiator.

So first impressions suggest an equally tough work out carrying on the tradition set by the previous quarter. Lacks originality though and feels a little samey but will undoubtedly get results.

Let the learning begin.

Now it’s your turn:

Are you a Body Combat instructor? What do you think of Les Mills Body Combat release 60? Please leave a comment or a link to your own thoughts.

me again.  hope you enjoyed that small preview.  I'm looking forward to learning that Superman Punch in the Muay Thai track!  I'll be back with my own review of BC release 60 sometime in the future, complete with snarky comments on fellow participants & the instructor, too!  stay tuned! 

p.s. I'm also thinking about setting up a separate blog just for these fitness-related posts...will be thinking some more about that and will let you know!  Only problem is, anything relating to music and movement, especially when done together, also inspires powerful emotions and deep thoughts that cross-over into the deeper, more thoughtful rants i get myself into. oh well.  such is life, se la vie.

;-D

psyching up

ok, here goes.  i'm lazy, lethargic, just wanna crawl back in bed.
but i won't.
i am getting up, getting ready to go to this class.
just wait, mr. robb, i'm on my way..
(i know he's gonna wup my butt)
i can do this...pain is gain...

later alligator!



11:59 am. Squeal into the gym parking lot, one minute to spare. (why i always always allow only the least amount of time to get someplace that i possibly can, assuming i can drive 70 mph the whole way with no red lights, is beyond me,...) The entrance is in the back, so i almost have a head-on collision with another car just leaving.  Looking for a place to park.  Spot a personalized plated, gay-pride-stickered, silver Mercedes coupe.  yup, Robb's here.  A couple cars down, I find a space, next to another car with that same gay pride sticker. hmmm, now i'll be scoping around class, thinking, "which one of you is...?"

A tad late, but in time for the upper-body, boxing warm-up.  560 punches in just 5 minutes, including 3 short breaks, Robb informs us.  That's nothing compared to the final boxing track of 700-something punches, mostly hard consecutive hooks, all on one side, nonstop.  but that's later on..

I slip in behind mr. guido-man, and i apologize if that's sounds racist, but actually wikepedia says it's no longer a demeaning term, just a word for a working-class Italian-American who "conducts himself in an overtly macho manner".  like this dude.  He's shorter than me, so i have no problem seeing the instructor over his fuzzy little head.  rather squat & overly-muscle bound, too.  Reminds me of the  gorilla in the Donkey Kong game, but i try not to think about that or i crack up and can't concentrate.

and i need to concentrate here!

 Kung fu crane move starts our killer lower-body work-out, specifically one-leg squats, esquivas, and switch lunges. "Not a plyometric movement where you use a high bounce to propel you up to switch legs in the lunge, but stay low, use those glutes!" says Robb. ouch.

  Then my favorite: Muay Thai moves to Kick Start my Heart by Motley Crue.  Stick jabs, ascending elbow strikes.  "use your sharp elbow to tear up your opponent's face!" (I'm shredding him today!) Then on the knee strikes: "your opponent's head is not going to go voluntarily into your knee. Gotta put your hands together, yank his head down and JAM it into your knee!!"  (we be jammin here..)  Then we add that yummy push-kick, with the instructions to lean back, and with a flat foot, use a circular motion to push that foot into his belly..you should feel it "here" (points to mid-thigh) through "here" (mid-abdomen)  I'm doing my best to shove my imaginary opponent down to the ground with great force, and Robb points at me and says, "That was GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!"  I feel so proud, like a grade school kid who just had her book  report praised by her third grade teacher.  So grinny that I almost forget how to do my other favorite muay thai move, the traveling brawler punches.  He reminds us to use the distance between our high-raised fist all the way down to our on-the-ground opponent's face.  Slam! Bam!  I visualize that youtube video of the Asian girl beating the stink out of that mean bully chick who totally deserved those brawler blows.




We do our 700-whatever punch super boxing track, "emptying our tanks" as he commands us to, and then we do our light jog around the room, high-fiving him on the way as we grab our mats and get ready to finish off with sit-ups and push-ups. Good stuff, but I really miss the hip escape push-ups we used to do. I think people complained too much, they were too "challenging" for some. What??? those things were awesome, and made you feel like such a sneaky ninja! oh well. one day, if i am ever a body combat instructor myself, i will throw in lots and lots of hip escape push-ups.

As i start up my car in the parking lot, the owner of the gay pride sticker car beside me also arrives to leave.  and sure enough, just as i expected, it belongs to this particular person that i suspected was "checking me out" in class a few times.  and it isn't a "he".  i'm so good at picking these people out, if i do say so myself... ;-D

Such a good work-out, i rationalized that i desserved a little retail therapy afterwards, so i take a detour before going home..


..and since i was still feeling a bit of residue from my yesterday's sadness, this therapy was well taken.  i mean, ask any girl, and you will not find one who is not at least a little bit cheered up by the purchase of a new purse, and new shoes.

ahhh, that's better.  

till next time!

(p.s. new release of the next Body Combat set coming soon!!)

p.s.

the darkness is returning.
please pray.
these pills look tempting.

"they"

when they act happy
i feel worse
if they only knew
how i'm dying

i have so much to be thankful for
why can't i just be thankful?

broken hearts are lonely hearts.

when they smile
i want to cry
if they only knew
i don't share that joy
their first glimpse of gain
is my crushed spirit of loss.

psyching up

ok, here goes.  i'm lazy, lethargic, just wanna crawl back in bed.
but i won't.
i am getting up, getting ready to go to this class.
just wait, mr. robb, i'm on my way..
(i know he's gonna wup my butt)
i can do this...pain is gain...

later alligator!

math problem

p.s. just doing the math here...

if a year ago
suicidal thoughts came once a month
and now
they're at least once a week
plus i'm looking at gun websites...
what's the probability
i'll even be here next year at this time?
or the question should be
what will be my stage of
decomposition?
zombie-mode
or
compost?

just wondering.

bliss

i love to sleep
when no one's home
i close the blinds
i close my eyes
i'm no longer here
so nice
like being dead
until i wake up
and remember
i'm still here

giving up

world go on without me
you don't need me anymore
i missed my chance
i messed it up
i'm old
i stink
i'm done
goodbye