fractional flat tires in the jungle

 

 

Back at it again. Body Combat. But first a quick link to a blog much better versed than I am in the technical aspects of this sport... I happened upon this blog of a guy who has a hefty background in martial arts training, I think he's a Body Combat instructor himself, so his critiques of the different tracks are much more technical, if you wanna check it out. He also has a section that lists all the tracks of music for all 58 or so choreographed sets. Now you'll notice in those that many of the songs listed don't give the original artist of the song, like they're recycled tunes, re-done by someone else because of copyright law, perhaps? whatever. But rest assured, when Mr. Robb leads our class, he brings the real mojo- as in Welcome to the Jungle by, who else, Guns'n'Roses! But the lists are interesting, if you're looking for ideas for a new workout playlist to download..

ok, so here's the link. Take a look, I'll meet you back here...

http://nzglen.wordpress.com/about-me/

Now let's fight. Robb starts out by singling out any newbies, as usual, and this time the one newbie is also the only guy in class! Poor guy. Robb assures him that "we" are ALL Mad Cary Moms here, regardless. He also says, "Attention, ladies, there is a boy in the room, and he's a looker!" Of course Robb would notice such things. But lookers aren't always fighters. My 5-second analysis of his fighter form? eh...definitely a newbie, I could easily take him down with one slug. no offense, just sayin.

Brand new set today, and it's a cardio killer. Faking it frequently to avoid fainting. seriously.

My favorite track- the karate kicks to "Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games....watch it bring you to your...knnnnnnnnn-knees, knees!!!" as POW!! we snap-kick our opponent in the knees. hiiiyyyAAHHH!! "I wanna watch you bleed!!!...."Let me hear you SCREAM!!!!!"

I just cannot even imagine doing these brutal moves to any kind of music less vicious than these tunes. Especially the toughest squat track, where the worst set of burning-thigh-and-butt lunges and slow-mo kicks is done to this especially grinding, wailing, off-the-rails crazy dub step mix...yow! pain! burn! bring it on!! Then back into the jenga movement for a bit of relief..

Muay Thai...downward street brawl punch, lovin it... jump kicks...

Some words on technique: on the hook, aim for the side of the head, between the temple and the jaw, keep the elbow up. On the elbow strikes, relax the hand, roll shoulder forward, elbow SLICES brow and nose. Ok, so here's why God gave me such knobby elbows, I could really do some damage with these knives!!!

Cardio-snap kicks, speed jabs, red face, out of breath, costume malfunck-shhhhsugarcrapohnoturnaroundfixitnobodysawthatmovingrightalonghere-jabs for SPEED! hooks-STRENGTH!! cross-jacks-AJILITY!! upper cuts-POWER!!! GO MAD CARY MOMS!!! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!!

Finally to the push-ups. Robb entertains us by teaching us the "twerk" dance move. Funny.

After class, in the transition before my Body Flow, I catch Robb and tell him about my recent venture into the boxing classes, tell him how he inspired me. He tells me that there are a couple punch bags in the back of this gym, that he comes in on his own and does his own boxing work-out here sometimes. Later I peek into the back room, by the basketball court, and there they are, 2 big stationary lumps, just ready to be punched. They're sneering at me. I sneer back. Just wait, you bad boys, just wait..

Transition from house-bangin rockin face-smashin Body Combat...

to serene, calm, dimly-lit, peaceful, zen-ful Body Flow...ohmmmmmmmmm...

This time in class, as I come back inside to reflect on my current mental/emotional/spiritual condition, I am given the "Eureka!" vision of a flat tire divided by fractions. Let me explain...

One-third of me is in a dark place of grief, the second one-third is also a dark place of grief, can't say more, but lately the "third third" has become a dimly lit, yes dimly, but dimly lit place of relief and peace. Not giddy happiness and excitement of what's in my unknown future, but just a tender shoot of peace, a feeling of "it's ok, God's here, it's gonna be alright...somehow." Now it would be great to just stay in that place, hang up some pretty pictures, get real comfy, but that's not how you fix a flat, deflated tire. YOu don't just pump up one third of the tire and expect to get a smooth ride. You'd have a big bump on one section and your ride would go "ba-bump...ba-bump..." No, you have to gradually add air to the other two-thirds, as well. Now at this point those other two-thirds are deep dark vaccums where I feel lost and out of control and unable to really DO anything to help. Just pray. Pray constantly through the dark, and wait for a tiny ember of hope to begin burning. I'm encouraged to feel more comfortable in prayer again. A place to stop and breathe again. Change has to be slow sometimes. Not too slow and stagnant, just staying in balance with the Lord. No cheesy church faces here, just reality and faith. and stepping out in faith, even when it seems there's just empty space beneath my feet.

whew. that was quite an exhausting Body Flow session. at the end, I again wipe my eyes as I get up from the 5 minutes of quiet meditation, but this time, it's only from one eye. that's progress. i think.

So this whole comparmentalizing my thoughts...into these "thirds" kind of thing...that's really my strong-male side taking over. You know, the whole, men think in little boxes and women think more globally, we can juggle a million different thoughts at the same time. I like my artsy, global side but sometimes it's overwhelming. Yes, I have a strong masculine side at times, not in a weird way, I don't think, but just enough to help me sort through my thoughts and find some strength to move on.

more about that masculine side, just to clarify...(I am not a butch!! really!!!!) :) It's just that...I've always enjoyed hanging out with guys, being one of them in a tomboy way, I guess you could say. Like it's just more fun to hang with them and do things like...hiking a mountain in a tropical rainstorm and then body-surfing/mudsliding all the way back down, or mountain-biking through a woods, careening through spider webs and over tree roots that just may or may not send me flying over the handle-bars, oh so much more fun than making small talk about ladies' hair salons or how to get that nasty stain off the carpet. pul-lease!!! Or memories of thundering around a lake-side trail on roller blades, terrorizing small pets and children...or climbing trees in the back woods at camp, creating needless gossip among the other counselors, wondering what we were "really" up to, HA! those idiots. I seriously miss that stuff. But on the flip side, when it comes to talking relationships and what he said and she said and how they said it and what they were wearing....that's where we all need a good set of girlfriends. And I need a refill of this good Tazo tea at my friendly neighborhood Starbucks.

later, y'all!! (OMG, I'm sounding so country, what is happening to this northern chick...y'all??!!)

p.s. no boxing class this week. yesterday killed me. maybe next week. :)

 

 

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Diving in

Dove into some good reading today while at the pool,

and since lil miss insomniac is up anyway, thought i'd share

a few of the nuggets i found.

(besides, just copying someone else's work requires almost zero thinking on my part, and the mundane task of typing may lull me back to sleep!)

so here goes:

(quoting Nicole Braddock Bromley here..)

"Ironically, moving forward in life entails looking back....processing what's taken place in the past in order to improve the outcome of the future."

(re: the passage in 1 Samuel 1, where depressed Hannah goes in to the tabernacle to pray..and Eli says,"Must you come here drunk?" (v.14)

"When Eli made a false assumption about Hannah, he responded to her tearful prayer by condemning her instead of ministering to her....Our human nature leads us to respond as Eli did. We're much quicker to conclude that people who seem different or in distress are messed-up losers than we are to reach out in love to find out what the real issue is with them. Instead of assuming anything about people, we need to communicate with them...not just the superficial "how are you?" "good.how about you? kind of stuff. We have to communicate in a way that reveals our heart and allows others to reveal theirs. Yet, for (some of us), such communication can be extrememly difficult."

"Even though we may have strong feelings of affection or friendship, we're afraid of what letting down our guard will do, so we prefer to run. We distance ourselves in order to protect ourselves from being hurt again."

"We have feeling in our skin for a reason, and part of that reason, I believe, is to feel loved through safe and warm touch. Touch can dramatically change a person's outlook on life."

 

and that's all she wrote. (ha, for now, anyway...)

This owl's about to dive back in...into the covers!! zzzzzzzzz

splash!!!!

 

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Kit-boxing, meow-thai..!!!!

Great video on http://7sec.co/v/24Ni

Parking lot lurker

Locked car pounding
Bass booming
A/C hurricane
Singing slightly out of tune
Shoppers park, shop, return
I'm still sitting in my room
Private room
Moody music
Sweet tea, drive-thru garbage
Song's over, gotta get out
Oops-another good one
Just one more...

Iron therapy

2 weeks is way too long to be away from the gym. I need this therapy. Here I can be strong. Here I'm in control. Here I can forget my weaknesses, my inadequacies, my failures.

Strong. Strong enough to lift this barbell over my head. A zillion times.

With more and more iron on the ends. Dang! I'm gonna do this!! Heave!!!! yeah!!

Such a better feeling than the wimpiness of giving in to a 6-year old who keeps whining until he gets his way over a dumb video game he has to have downloaded. Caving in to please others. Saying yes when I mean no.

Pushing through the pain. I can do this. Such a better feeling than getting rejected for a job. I can't control that. But I can control this cold metal stick in my hands. And I'll make it heavier. Cause I need to get stronger. What doesn't kill you....(altogether now...)

...makes you stronger!!!

Next up is Body Flow. Perfect balm for tight muscles and bound-up souls.

The dim lights, the flowing sequence of balnces and stretches, lyrical music.

Just the right songs I needed today. Have really missed this.

"you don't know what I feel" is the song. perfect.

I'm so into this...this perfect marriage of movement and music

Going deeper into the music,

deeper into the stretch.

lost...so lost....

lost in the union

it's a spiritual thing.

Last 5 minutes. Meditation. Stillness.

Eyes closed. This is my safe place.

Just like this blog. Ironically. My place to unload. Anonymously, sort of.

clouds of sulfur in the air

bombs are falling everywhere

(thank you, sir, Mr. Mayer, you say it much better than I)

I wipe my eyes, roll up my mat and leave the room.

namaste.

 

 

 

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Ozzie monday

 

sort of cheating again here...sharing someone else's wisely worded devotional here because they're so much wiser than i. hope someone else is spoken to through this, too.

Excerpt from My Utmost for His HIghest by Oswald Chambers:

(from the passage entitled, Visions Becoming Reality)

"God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience. Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor's hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

"The vision that God gives is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here. Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires. Then as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it."

And that, my friend, is what I needed to hear today. That it's ok to be stuck in the valley for awhile. God is at work, even when it seems nothing is happening. I've seen my life take some crazy-fast turns lately, spinning me into a whirlpool that feels like insanity sometimes, but then at other times it seems like it's all come to a standstill. Nothing happening. Waiting for this. Waiting for that. Trying to get this or that, like a job. Nothing happening. It's all part of the valley. I will choose to be thankful for the valley. Enjoy the scenery. Learn from it. Just love other people and stop moaning and complaining. yeah, I'm preachin to myself here, but I hope the great "Oz" has inspired someone else today too. Enjoy the valleys. word.

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Synched reeboks

running beats

hypno groove

hot fat sun

i'm in the mood

hot pavement

thick air

life's a mess

i don't care

got my music

got my sweat

mindless lyrics

titanium head

one more mile

cruise control

heart beat steady

mind control

feelin the street

queen of the beat

brain on pause

programmed feet

dub step, electro step

heart on rewind

life's just a metronome

stuck in GarageBand

la la la, hip hop the be-bop

someone tell me

where to stop

here? ok,

stop the loop-track

brace for impact

reality hard hat.

reality...reality...

nothin rhymes with that.

 

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whirlpool

 

I really hate the feeling of being out of control, like something is just happening to me that I cannot control. Like I was just living my normal life, controlling my little day in and day out, and then I start this downward spiralling on the inside, going down, and around, and around, and down, down, down.... like water down a drain. To most people everything is normal. I keep up a good front. For now.

Maybe a whirlpool is a better analogy. One minute the water is calm, then suddenly I'm sucked into a whirlpool that starts spinning me around and around, and I'm sucked downward, afraid I'm going to drown...

God. This is where I need You. Nothing else in this life makes sense. Not tradition. Not institutions. Definitely not emotions. Yet God has a purpose for them, I guess. Just trying to figure out why. If they're once damaged and suppressed, why in the world do they keep popping back up again, uninvited? Messing with my mind, my whole life???

Just weird thoughts on a Sunday night. I shouldn't blog on Sundays. My thoughts are always weird. God opens my heart and mind up through worship, which is great, but then something later on goes awry and I go down these strange bunny trails. hippity-hoppity. Monday's on its way.

I can't believe I'm publishing this. Feeling that vulnerability hangover already. get the aspirin.

 

 

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Good grief, another question!

Just when i was starting to relax my mind, put my feet up...(Will finish this later, of course, my lunch is waiting. Beep! Goes tbe mircrowave.)

Susie Larson (@SusieLarson) tweeted at 0:18 PM on Fri, Jul 12, 2013:

Today's Question: If you knew your life was about to end, what would you fix, do differently, repair?

wow. that's a good one. want to make it quick though. got an early t-ball game in the morning.

So just imagine, my life is about to end. oh gosh. what would i fix? I don't like this question. can I pick a different one?

fine. here's my answer. i'd fix me. or rather, let God fix me. then i'd get really honest about it, write an autobiography, add to it all the dozens of notebook journals i've filled up since i was a kid and now have stashed in an old suitcase under my bed, and spill all my secrets to the world.

then i'd go travel the world. visit all the people who I feel I need to see one last time. spend quality time with family. work on twisted relationships.

and then i'd forget that i'm only an average (or below average!) singer, dancer, artist and i'd do the much-quoted thing about singing like no one's listening, dance as if no one is looking, and paint to my heart's content. who cares what people think.

ok enough thinking about dying. i don't need to go there right now. especially when i haven't seen the sun in many dreary days.

goodnight.

 

 

 

 

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Today's Question

To be reflected on & answered later on....

Today's Question: What unexpected blessing has come out of the ashes of your pain?(https://twitter.com/SusieLarson/status/355379476152066048)

Ok, ok, it's later on already. Do I really have to do this? Blog about this? Answer this question? That's the trouble with these blogs. Once you know that someone else is at least ocassionally checking in and reading what you write, you have that irritating thing called "accountability" breathing down your neck, waiting for you to finish what you started. ugh. At least a paper journal you can just turn the page and nobody will ever know.

So my unexpected blessing, my beauty from ashes? Couldn't I save this for a sunny day, write about this after this rain and these ugly gloomy skies have passed? Alrighty then, Holy Spirit, you'd better juice me up here....I'm waiting...uh, hello up there???

Ok, seriously, let's just make this quick. Two things come to mind: 1. a more compassionate, non-judgemental attitude toward others..... and 2. a better understanding of God's Grace.

It used to be that I would sort of judge "those people" in these situations. I mean, doesn't the Bible say.... yeah, it does. But when you really are forced to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to live that same darkish nightmare, you get it. Suddenly you're that woman lying in a heap at Jesus' feet, her accusers holding stones, ready to stone her for her sin. You know it was wrong, but you also know what complicated junk and stuff that wasn't even your fault were mixed into your life that brought you to where you are. All you want is to be loved and accepted and given a second chance. I'm seeing that in other people now, as I see it in myself.

And that's where God's grace steps in. I used to think that, since I've known the Lord for so many years, and done this or that for Him, and even gave my testimony to groups of people in the past, blah, blah, blah, that somehow I wasn't allowed to get into messes like this and get away scot-free. (where does that expression come from anyway, and who the heck is scot???) ok then, I mean, to get away without condemnation? I mean, wouldn't I judge someone like that myself? Like a hypocritcal preacher who has to step down because he's caught in some horrible sin? Is there such thing as an unpardonable sin, especially if that person was previously known as such a good "church person"? ooh, ouch, now I sound just like those Pharisees and judgemental hypocrites of Jesus' day. God's grace is so great because of these very failures. I think He even allows these major life breakdowns to happen just to humble us, to show us what miserable wretches we are if we actually think that our years of serving the Lord would gain for us one speck of approval from the Almighty himself. Who are we to think such garbage????

ok, time to scrape myself off the floor. I'm humbled, Lord. Your grace is too good for me. Forgive me for ever thinking otherwise.

well there really is a third thing on my mind. It's more of a scary thing, than a beauty thing, but it's how real spiritual warfare is. Now of course Satan is but a pesky flea on the heel of our Lord Jesus Christ, but sometimes we get a glimpse of his sneaky evil schemes. Like.... I read recently of someone in a similar situation where they stopped going to church because they felt like everyone there was judging them. ooh, ouch. I know how they feel. But now, having read that from someone else's perspective, I realize what a bunch of you-know-what that is, that Satan is blinding them with. Sure, there will be people who judge, I admit, I was one of them, but most of it, I think, is exaggerated by the enemy to keep us out of fellowship, keep us from growing in our relationship with the Lord, and to keep us from damaging his kingdom by being a powerful witness to others about God's unexplainable grace.

So that's what I've learned so far. well, some of it anyway. I could go on...but I won't. less is more.

*sigh*. there. i did it. next question?? :-}

 

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