I really hate the feeling of being out of control, like something is just happening to me that I cannot control. Like I was just living my normal life, controlling my little day in and day out, and then I start this downward spiralling on the inside, going down, and around, and around, and down, down, down.... like water down a drain. To most people everything is normal. I keep up a good front. For now.
Maybe a whirlpool is a better analogy. One minute the water is calm, then suddenly I'm sucked into a whirlpool that starts spinning me around and around, and I'm sucked downward, afraid I'm going to drown...
God. This is where I need You. Nothing else in this life makes sense. Not tradition. Not institutions. Definitely not emotions. Yet God has a purpose for them, I guess. Just trying to figure out why. If they're once damaged and suppressed, why in the world do they keep popping back up again, uninvited? Messing with my mind, my whole life???
Just weird thoughts on a Sunday night. I shouldn't blog on Sundays. My thoughts are always weird. God opens my heart and mind up through worship, which is great, but then something later on goes awry and I go down these strange bunny trails. hippity-hoppity. Monday's on its way.
I can't believe I'm publishing this. Feeling that vulnerability hangover already. get the aspirin.
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