PBJ w/feng shui

Back in corner seat, near the door, PBJ from home goes well w/tall dark roast. #ready

wow. such a cheap skate here. totally taking advantage of free wi-fi. Traded in an empty starbucks bag for a free coffee, even brought my own sandwich, grapes & protein bar. shameless. if only this person 2 tables away would face the other way and stop talking to me. ugh. pretend to be busy. return, oh return oh feng shui...ooooohhhhhmmmmmmm...

ok so i've got jobs to look for today so this will be short. my deep, bottomless-cup-of-java moment of theological wisdom today came to me in Body Flow class. after an hour of my mind in dumb jock mode, just focusing on lifting that bar over my head with every guttural grunt i could muster...

i slide back into the now-dimly-lit studio, weave through the maze of stretching arms & legs everywhere, like frogger, up to where i left my mat in the front. We're doing a flowing (of course) tai chi move, and she uses the words "let the waves crash" as we slowly swish and swoop to the sides...yes, that ocean imagery, gets me every time...

"throw it all away...what are you letting go?"...."you need to LET GO....before you can REACH and GRAB HOLD of what's next". Letting go...grabbing what's next. wow. we can all go home now. that's all i need. I feel like I'm in this mental switch lately....I'm letting go of some things....yeah there's relief there...but as far as grabbing hold of what's next? nooooooooooooo!!! I scream. scared to death. I'd rather hover over this dark void of nothingness....squeeze my eyes shut....huddled down in child's pose.... child's pose....(image please?)

thank you, that's it... on my magic carpet... meaning my yoga mat which has just transformed into a magical carpet ride across the world, swirling and whooshing and soaring as i cling on for dear life, eyes still squeezed shut...afraid to see where i'm going. change. hate it. digging my heels in. so much easier to return to what's comfortable. but i can't. time marches on. i know what i know. and i know that i know that i know, which makes it even harder to be pretend i don't know to my knower. you know?

I would so love to try this, by the way, yoga on a surf board or paddle board out on the ocean. so cool. and i am so adhd it's ridiculous.

change. yuck. not much more to say. but will share a quote that came back and hit me a second time around today. It's by Brene' Brown: "The greatest vulnerability challenge: Our capacity for wholeheartedness = our willingness to be brokenhearted." ok, so i basically got it the first time, being daring enough to let your heart be totally broken after you've been completely open and honest with someone. But what whopped me across the other side of my head, was, that being totally open and vulnerable, heart wide open, can also break someone else's heart. And that in turn breaks my heart. So then I just want to take it back and it goes around and around and around and around like one of those stupid idiotic round-abouts or traffic circles where everyone is either so rude or overly friendly with their little hand gestures, "no, you go first", "no, really, you go first".

so there it is. namaste. which means, i learned today,

"my spirit honors your spirit."

oooooohhhhhhmmmmm!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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