end of me (as i know it)

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

I was having one of "those" kind of moods tonight, sort of a cross between a pity-party and just facing some hard, sad realities of my life right now. And given this extended amount of alone time I've had these past 48 hours, it's easy to get into a downward spiral of these emotions, leading me to think that this is the end of me. Nothing else to look forward to, no hope.

But I was reminded of this verse from Isaiah 40. I love how it uses the metaphors of soaring, running, and walking without fainting. I also love to use physical metaphors to explain the spiritual. In this case, I'm seeing that place where I feel like it's the end of me. Like when I'm running an extra long route or when the boxing instructor at my gym keeps giving us more push-ups or sprints or punches until I am literally spent and gasping for air, seriously doubting that I can go on. But then I take a deep breath, and somehow, I make it. alive. I'm trying to put this metaphor into place in my spiritual life right now. When I am feeling so low that I just can't see any purpose in living another second, I will hope in the Lord. He will renew my strength. He will make me soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. I want to believe this. I know that when I come to the end of me, I am at that critical point where I realize that there is no longer anything that I can do in my own power to lift myself up. I must die to myself, and let Christ live in me. It's at times like these when that is such a comforting thought. When I'm having a good day, it's easy to have confidence in myself, my own abilities, to pull me through any small rough spots. But when I descend to an especially low place, that is where I feel the end of me....and the beginning of Christ, lifting me up...to just walk...and maybe one day, to run, maybe even soar. There's hope in that.

 

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