Hello again! If you are re-visiting this post, feel free to fast-forward past this next paragraph and meet me back at the other side. If you're just dropping in, welcome!
Disclaimer: As the title suggests, the following post includes some deeper, darker moments of my journey. No surprise. But Take Heart!!! One Day.....One Day, I tell you...I shall write about more uplifting things. I want to be that inspirational blogger that people go to when they need encouragement, when they need to hear that someone has been there where they've been, and not only lived through it, but hung onto Jesus and made it victoriously to the other side. Ok, maybe not a Rocky moment, but a testimony to what God can do when we really let Him into our dark sides, to let Him change us from the inside out and make us doubly more useful in His ministry on this earth than if we just settled for a quiet, unobtrusive, slightly comfortable but never fully satisfied or genuine life. Yes, brighter days are ahead, and I intend on holding on and trusting the Lord to bring me there. And then I will have more encouraging things to say. For now, I just have to be real as I walk through the trenches.
My thought today is that I feel as if I am tunneling to the center of the earth. Going deeper and deeper, through the issues, past the mild discontent, into the ugly places, to a very dark place. Wouldn't it be easier..to just turn around and steer back to the shallow "crust" of my former life? Just ignore the discontent, the lukewarm condition of my soul, wiping away the worms of decay that keep creeping up and falling in my eyes. Smile and pretend everything's fine. Live an easier life, even if I knew deep inside that I'm ignoring God's call to seek Him with my WHOLE heart?!! Isn't putting in a few hours of ministry here & there enough, Lord, to show the world that I'm a fruitful Christian...but wait, how can a tree bear fruit if its roots are tangled in darkness and decaying from unfixed dysfunctions? So much easier to self-medicate my hungry heart with the temporary relief of worldly distractions. But no, I must keep going deeper. If I pop up too soon, the blinding light of reality will whack me back down like a painful game of Wac-a-Mole. If I try to sit in a shallow place, the fires of my discontent will simmer and boil like lava, till all at once I explode like a volcano, resulting in scalding pain to myself and those I love.
So tunnel I must. But I will not be alone... And I quote from a devotional by Kristin Armstrong:
"...if God had no special plans for me or no interest in refining and strengthening me, He would never go to these lengths....He was apparently supervising my growth. It made me want to please Him by responding well to His spiritual boot camp. I figured as long as it was going to hurt anyway, as long as I was committed to doing the work, I may as well go as deep as possible. He kept His word and saved me out of this distant place." -Kristin Armstrong
Who knows where my "distant place" will be, when I finally see the light at the end of this tunnel. God knows. And He will be with me always.
"I will surely save you out of a distant place...I will not completely destroy you. I will discipline you but only with justice." Jeremiah 30:10-11
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