even fighters need love

killing time before body combat class.

reading email, a devotional.  about forgiving others.  my rant this morning, how all these supposedly comforting, supportive devotionals are all directed toward the "victims" of this situation i'm in.  the innocent ones, the ones who were dumped on, not the ones causing the damage.  well what about those mean nasty aggressors, those fight-starters that caused the mess in the first place? don't we desserve some love too?  just because we finally came to a point, albeit many years too late, where we realized that we were done with living  the kindly, do-unto-me-as-you-want-i'll-just-turn-my-other-cheek-and-smile-and-pretend-i-like-you-too kind of mentality and it is finally time to be who i really am, even when it means stepping on a lot of toes around me.  ???

so i guess i'm the antagonist, not the protagonist. the one everyone's pointing their fingers at.  makes me wanna spit fire. oh, funny but that just happens to be the title of one of our great tracks in body combat class today, spit fire.  a better topic.

spit fire by the prodigy:

(weird dumb lyrics but cool video watch it here:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=aQZDbBGBJsM

back to reality, what really rocks is putting that song to the lower body conditioning track of body combat classes, a whole 3-and-a-half-minutes of torturesque (yes, that's a word, see the dictionary according to jennerosity) squats, side evasive kicks & esquiva lunges.  constant burning pain. perfect for the song. here's the only video i could find of the moves in action, from a body combat class in france, i'm guessing...

 

i'm working this one hard, & instructor robb says, to No One in particular, to make sure you're retracting your knee on the evasive sick kicks.  i do exactly as he says, and he says "that's better". i wonder if that was for me, since i'm in the front row, right in his face, the target of his sweat bullets, gross.  but we never talk or exchange glances so i don't know. one of those subtweet things i guess. story of my life.

we do more great stuff in  class that i can't recall at the moment, like my favorite muay thai shove kicks & brawler blows, and some speedy stick jabs and power hooks in the boxing tracks, here's just a couple more highlights:

the komodo dragon push-ups...shoved between a million push-ups and other junk done while never leaving the push-up or plank position... (i was about to DIE...)



..and then please don't judge me, but i just lovelovelove when we finish our cool-down with this song from eminem.  i know the lyrics are pretty bad--- in a few parts, ok most parts, but the point about never giving up, and never shutting your mouth, just feels so good to me.  i spend most my life keeping my mouth shut, or trying to talk & having someone interrupt me or someone in higher power make a bigger statement with more "likes" than i'll ever get on this earth & that's fine, cuz most people, like eminem says quite bluntly, seem to have a freaking problem with me. that's fine. that's why having a blog where no one knows who i am is so therapeutic.  listen & hate me if you want.  

till i collapse (eminem)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRM0cAqAY9c

Sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak
And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up
But you gotta search within you, try to find that inner strength
And just pull that shit outta you
And get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quitter
No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face, and collapse

Till I collapse I’m spillin’ these raps long as you feel ‘em
Till the day that I drop you’ll never say that I’m not killin’ ‘em
Cause when I am not, then I’ma stop pinnin’ ‘em
and I am not hip-hop and I’m just not Eminem
Subliminal thoughts, when I’ma stop sendin’ ‘em
Women are caught in webs, spin ‘em and hoch venom
Adrenalin shots of penicillin could not get the illin’ to stop
Amoxicillin’s just not real enough
The criminal cop killin hip-hop villain
A minimal swap to cop millions of ‘Pac listeners
You’re comin with me, feel it or not you’re gonna fear it
like I showed ya the spirit of God lives in us
You hear it a lot, lyrics to shock
Is it a miracle or am I just product of pop fizzin’ up?
Fashizzle my wizzles, this is the plot, listen up
You bizzles forgot, slizzle does not give a f*ck

[Chorus x2]
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth
Till the smoke clears out – am I high? Perhaps
I’ma rip this shit, till my bones collapse

Music is like magic, there’s a certain feelin’ you get
when you real and you spit an’ people are feelin’ your shit
This is your moment, and every single minute you spend
tryin’ to hold on to it cause you may never get it again
So while you’re in it, try to get as much shit as you can
And when your run is over just admit when it’s at it’s end
Cause I’m at the end of my wits with half the shit gets in
I got a list here’s the order of my list that it’s in
It goes Reggie, Jay-Z, Tupac and Biggie
Andre from Outkast, Jada, Kurupt, Nas and then me
But in this industry I’m the cause of a LOT of envy
So when I’m not put on this list, the shit does NOT offend me
That’s why you see me walkin around like nothin’s botherin’ me
Even though half you people got a fuckin’ problem with me
You hate it but you know respect you got to give me
The press’s wet dream like Bobby and Whitney, Nate hit me

[Chorus]

Soon as the verse starts, I eat at an MC’s heart
What is he thinkin’? How not to go against me, smart!
And it’s absurd, how people hang on every word
I’ll probably NEVER get the props I feel I ever deserve
But I’ll never be served, my spot is forever reserved
If I ever leave Earth, that would be the death of me first
Cause in my heart of hearts I know nothin’ could ever be worse
That’s why I’m clever when I put together every verse
My thoughts, are sporadic, I act, like I’m a addict
I rap, like I’m addicted to smack like I’m Kim Mathers
But I don’t wanna go forth and back in constant battles
The fact is I would rather sit back and bomb some rappers
So this is like a full blown attack I’m launchin’ at ‘em
The track is on some battlin raps who want some static?
Cause I don’t really think that the fact that I’m Slim matters
A plaque and platinum status is WACK if I’m not the baddest, so

[Chorus]

Until the roof
The roof comes off
Until my legs
Give out from under me

I, I will not fall, I will stand tall
Feels like no one can beat me

yes i know i should apologize for those bad words on this page.  but today i feel them.  i can't explain it but in these moods i feel such a camaraderie with eminem, like he & i should be locked up in the same mental hospital & he'd be singin his friends with the monster song & i'd be understanding it all.

sing with me now..

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth
Till the smoke clears out – am I high? Perhaps
I’ma rip this shit, till my bones collapse