Bullied Asian girl fights back

  ok, quick disclaimer here....i am in no way a proponent of physical street fighting as a means of settling disputes...however, i have to admit enjoying this video a bit, just that human reflex that likes to see justice served when someone is needlessly bullied and harassed by another.  This was sent to our Mad Cary Moms Facebook group by our Body Combat instructor, Robb, with the message;



"just three words:  downward brawler blow"



yes. reminds me of our body combat class yesterday, from which i was too exhausted to write about afterwards, especially since i also stayed for the following body flow class..



my only critique of this great asian brawler girl:  pull that elbow back a bit further to put more power into that punch.  and nice job pulling the other girl's hair, whatever works.  hairpulling hurts, i know, i have a big sister.

eyes of the heart (in glass jars)

I awake from a dream to find myself on a bumpy ride, jostling about in the back of an old horse-pulled wagon.  All is black.  My eyes are blindfolded, yet I feel the blackness of the night, smell the dew on the fresh spring grass.  The almost-sweet, pungent smell of cow manure tells me I'm no longer in the city. The weathered, wooden bench beneath me is rickety and splinters rub up against me. "Wh-where am I? what's going on?" I mumble in a panic as I rouse from my sleep.  I peek underneath a corner of the blindfold to see a dark, hunchback, hooded figure at the front of the wagon, hunched over and holding the reigns of  two black horses, their sleek fur glistening in the moonlight.  "never mind", the voice from the figure growls in a raspy voice.  "And put that back on your eyes!" he commands screechily. I do as I'm told, still too shocked to feel any sensation of fear at the moment, wondering what the heck is going on.

The wagon suddenly jolts backward as we begin to climb a steep, winding hill.  My head jerks back and I'm thrashed to the right and the left, clutching the bench beneath me with white knuckles, for fear of falling off this crazy midnight wagon train.  Finally we level out and the horses and the wagon come to a stop.  I smell a faint smell of formaldehyde and burnt electrical wires coming from somewhere.  A shuffling sound and an awkward, thumping gait of limping footsteps comes closer.  My blindfold is torn off, and I'm looking into the eerie, grey, disfigured face of...could it be....IGOR...from the Young Frankenstein movie!

What proceeds next in this upcoming sci-fi flick that has suddenly sprung to life in my weird imagination is this...  Igor and Dr. Frederick Frankenstein have taken on a new kind of scientific experimentation:  Now they go out in the middle of the night, capture souls who need a heart transplant.  No, not the physical kind with blood and veins and aortas and stuff, but the emotional/spiritual ones.

  This is for  patients whose lives have come to a crossroads, where what they want to do they cannot do, for it would be wrong and it would hurt other people, but to stay in the same place would make their heart die a slow and very uncomfortable death, while on the outside they keep up the mask, pretending everything's fine.

Now these eyes of the heart,  they're actually physically encased in the person's eyes, so the operation involves popping out the eyeballs, plopping them into a jar of chemicals, labeling the jar and storing them on a shelf, lined up next to the floating eyeballs of hundreds of other souls out there, also  living with robot heart-eyes.  Perhaps in the movie these eyeballs will roll around and gape at each other through the glass jars. Share their stories with other eyeballs.  (let's just hope that Igor doesn't wake up hungry one night and mistake us for jars of olives!!!)

 In their place, in these bulging, dripping eye sockets are inserted a new robotic type of eyeballs., identical to the previous ones but with a more robotic "heart" inside of them, programmed to live the rest of this person's life, as if nothing had changed.  But now the person, without their real heart, is able to respond to others and to situations and messes they have gotten themselves into with an amazing sense of good character that thrills everyone and brings them great praise and approval.  Their lives are therefore now a success.

Then, when a certain amount of time has passed, when the danger of hurting others with the true heart has gone by, the person is plucked back out in the middle of the night, brought back by Igor and his horses to the haunted mansion of Dr. Frankenstein, and the True Eyes of the Heart are dug out of their old jar and placed back into the patient.  Patient now is free to return to their life and live an authentic life from their real heart.  Adjusting to the not-so-perfect quirks of their old heart may take some time and adjustment from others in their lives, but it is still a good life, a much more peaceful one than had they not been zapped out and had their "eyes" replaced for awhile.

    
And, just for fun, I would somehow work in parts of these following great quotes from the movie, "Young  Frankenstein" with Gene Wilder:

here goes:

For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius.

                                ************************************

You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: What hump?

                                 **************************************

Dr. F. Frankenstein: This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.

Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!

                                 *****************************************

Are you ready?

Igor: Are you sure this is how they did it?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes! It's all written down in the notes! Now tie off the kites and hurry down as fast as you can!

Igor: What's the hurry?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There's a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?

[no answer, shouts]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I said, there is a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?

Igor: [suddenly appears next to Fredrick] I understand. I understand. Why are you shouting?

                                 *****************************************

LIFE! DO YOU HEAR ME? GIVE MY CREATION... LIFE!

                               *******************************************

(And in the ending of my own personal version of this great film i shall one day create...(and yes, i get to play the part of creepy IGOR!!!)...  I shall go with my new spirit eyes, the eyes of my heart, once the seedlings have become mature trees and all is at peace with my world...and you shall find me in the wrinkled-but-physically fit old body of a granny yoga instructor on the beaches of Costa Rica...where I will open up my authentic heart and pour all that love into my students, my family, and into whatever orphans God brings my way.  And I shall wear purple.  )

Just a sketchy version of my new film idea.  Screenplay coming soon... (maybe...if i'm not distracted by some other crazy film idea...)

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [singing] If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits...

The Monster: 'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ.

 

Livid

Livid.  I love that word.  LIVID.  LIVID.  LIVID.  It just rolls off the tongue so nicely, and perfectly describes what I've been feeling today.  yeah say it with me now: LLLLLLL_IIIIIII_VVVVV-----IIIIDDD. ahhh.  So much better-sounding than MAD, which just sounds big and fat and clumsy.  And ANGRY just sounds too proper and judgemental. It even looks good.  Those sleek letters...the V even reminds me of the sharp point of a sword, like the imaginary one we used in the Pirates of the Caribbean track we did in Body Combat class. Pull out that sword, swing it around, slice and stick it into your opponent.  Yes, LIVID means you have a good reason to be steamed up and ready to EXPLODE, but a focused explosion, to explode in a constructively destructive manner, in which the giver of the destruction feels much pleasure, satisfaction and accomplishment in the performed action.

And today that action was performed in my Body Combat class.  (Did I ever mention that the Proverbs 31 woman actually could've been a BC participant, as it says that "her arms are STRONG for her TASKS!!"  ?)  And we know exactly what kind of TASKS we're talking about here.  Jabs. Speed Jabs. Hooks. Upper Cuts. Snap Kicks. Roundhouse. Muay Thai Shove Kicks. Elbow strikes. Brawler Blows.  I was a little low on the muscular strength and aerobic capacity today, due to too much time off from the gym while the kids were home...so what I lacked in strength and endurance i made up for in near-perfect technique and sharp LIVID punch in every move.  I'm talkin perfectly calculated, timed slice-and-dice, throw you into the compost pile, fighting maneuvers.  Throw in this heat in my head and heart, and I am on top of my game.  At least in my own opinion, while in this gym, I am.  I may fumble and clam up when it comes to even speaking to anyone during or after this class, I can be so socially inept, but in my head I'm feeling like a champion.

   

Loved the Muay Thai track to the song, Kickstart my Heart by Motley Crue.  I got so winded doing the traveling brawler blows...that I hardly had any energy left for the speed jabs and hooks, ascending elbow strikes, knee jab thingys where you yank someone's head down on your knee, and the old favorite SHOVE kicks.  (sorry, i was about to include a link to the live concert version of that song by Motley Crue, but...umm, let's just say I try to keep things clean here.)

So another awesome Body Combat class comes and goes.  As I'm processing it all in my head while in the restroom afterwards..(sorry, just being honest) I'm starting to ask myself WHY.  WHY am I so livid today?  What's the deal? oh sure, there are people and situations that I'm mad about right now, but...is there more?  Then I see it.  There's not much to look at in the bathroom stall except my purse hanging on the hook in front of me, so as if in answer to my question, a small piece of paper juts out of the inside of my purse, something I haven't even looked at in a long time.  It's an old check from my mom and dad I've been carrying around for months, just too lazy to cash it, just a gift for something, not a whole lot. But what jumps into my face is the name of my father on the top of the check, the only words that are framed in this particular view from where it's stuffed into an inside pocket.

That name.  My father.  How much longer will I be able to look at that name and associate it with a living, breathing human being, who I can still call on the phone, and hopefully visit soon to drink in all those memorable characteristics of him that I hold so dear in my heart.  How awful, that God would want to just snatch that person out of my life.  How cruel, that Anyone would think of letting him go through so much pain, so much suffering, and the mental agony of knowing they are going to die a slow, painful death in the short time ahead.  This wonderful person, my daddy, who gave me rides on his big feet when I was just a toddler, who took me on fishing trips to Canada, who was such a humble, quiet and caring person, hardly ever getting angry or speaking an unkind word.  How wrong.  God, that's just wrong. HOW.  DARE.  YOU.  Yes, I'm mad at You, God.  Even though I don't dare challenge Your holiness, Your greatness, Your knowledge and wisdom and the reasons You have for everything that befalls us in this lifetime...it's still not fair.  And why now.  Haven't enough things been taken from my life already?  Why this added stab in the heart? Anger. Lividness.  Just a part of the grieving process, I suppose, along with denial and sadness.

That's when I lose it.  Yes, right there in the bathroom stall.  Actually the clouds don't really burst until I'm in the privacy of my car, driving home.  I love to cry in the enclosed spaces of the shower or alone in the car.  Let it all out.  And soon the anger over other things/people in my life ...they hold no weight...against the grief that underlies it all.

and there's that stupid red cardinal out the window again.  Almost mocking me, teasing me with the idea of finding joy, a speck of bright color in the midst of this horrible stinkin gray.

sorry for the deep and dark today.  my thoughts went astray.

holy demons

Slight change of plans today.

Was going to get up, drop off kids at track-out art camp, drive to gym, & slide into the back row of Body Pump class.  Great class of weight-lifting heavy metal but w/the option to take it easy, use fewer plates or none at all on the barbell.  And taking it easy was what i originally wanted to do.  Feeling my muscles shrinking down to flab, doing the ol', what's the word, ATRoPhy number on me, not much to work with, plus  just feeling sad & wimpy, like the world's just beating me down, spirit's lower than a sagging cow udder. (sorry, i'm from the dairy state of wisconsin, weird analogy, i know)

But. Then....

I....   GOT...  MAD!!!!!!!

No, not just a silly little girl-thang in a tif, oh HECK no, this chick is on FI-YERRRRRR!!!! and if i don't unleash these holy demons in a good hour-long class of mean boxing, KA-POW karate and SLAM-BAM Muay Thai moves.....I think I just might hurt somebody.  just sayin.

ohhhh..what's that you say??? Holy Demons? an Oxymoron?? HAH!!! Think Again, SISTAHH!!
I may not look like your holier-than-thou sweet Proverbs 31 angelic prudent little sissy lady right now.  Unn-Unnhhhh!!  Save that for the hymnal-clutching chapel clusters, thank you very much.  This woman's feeling a Holy Ghost-Fired, Ready-to-Punch-out-the-GOLITATH's kind of Fever right now...and don't give me Mr. G's sissy little wife, i don't care how big and fat she is,  she can stay home and crochet some fuzzy bandages for her Giant hubby.  Cuz He Is Going DOWWWWWWWWWNNNNN!!!!!!  (I'm yellin' TIMBERRRRR!!! you'd better move, you'd better dance..huh? oh. and then I shall Dance Like David!! woo-hoo!!

... and if i don't hurry & get my butt into the front row of Mr. Robb's Body Combat class NOWWW....let's just say that there's going to be some carnage.  So there.  Hah!!! Double-HAH!!!!!

bigger waves

and now my father is dying

and there's nothing i can do about it.

unexpected diagnosis

cancer

spreading fast

one day an old but healthy man

chopping wood

playing his harmonica

reminiscing glory days

the next

he cannot eat or sleep

constant pain

mother a wreck

and i am too.

i almost like it

the break

from my own selfish pity parties

to think about someone else's plight

but the loss

is mine

i have no words

sad is too weak an adjective

why Lord

why all at once

show me what to do

i'll get on the next plane

be his hospice

whatever it takes

if it would stop the pain

don't let him die Lord

please..

lost at sea

 

drowning in my tears
with no land in sight
just wave after wave
reality bites.

mothers day..

bad mommy.  ;-(

my life. a waste. someone shoot me. before i do.

1:30 pm and i'm still awake writing this song. if i get it all done on blogger it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.

real generosity

Loved this devotional by Kristin Armstrong, had to share:

                                     The Source of All Love

"We love because he first loved us."  I John 4:19

We don't love because we are generous of heart.
We don't love because we are obligated by relational chains.
We don't love because we are afraid not to comply.
We don't love because we are skilled at the game.
We don't love because we think this is all we deserve.
We don't love to stave off the void.
We don't love to feel validated.
We don't even love because we are healthy and whole.
No.  We love for one reason only.  Because HE first loved us.  Because we have been deeply and truly loved, we may love truly and deeply.

   thanks, Kristin.

bandaids

are you a fast yanker or a slow peeler?

i'm talking about peeling off bandaids after a wound has healed.  do you yank that sucker off in one shocking shriek of pain, or do you peel it ever-so-slowly, enjoying the slow, sweet agony of each little arm hair getting plucked with it, one by one?

i'm a slow peeler.  when i've had this bandage over a wound for way too long, and i can no longer defend the idea of keeping it on any longer, i still fear the ripping pain of taking it all off at once, so i do it s-l-o-w-l-y.... so slowly that it gives me time to pause and rest every few seconds, flirting with the idea of gently patting it back down again, avoid the pain of continuing the rip.  i mean, who needs pain anyway?

but once a wound heals, the skin needs to breathe.  needs the sun.  needs to thrive, to start living again.  not stay covered, immobilized, hidden.  if left under that seemingly protective bandaid too long, it will give up and die completely.

so rip it off.  fast or slow, doesn't matter.  get on with life.  and just breathe.

worms & spiders & plums

I guess I'll be better off if I just return to my usual way of living, thinking that if I don't expect much, then I won't be disappointed.  Worked well for me this far in life, right??

I was silly to think I could expect anything more.  To actually be thrilled about life & love. ha.  That's for other people.  I'm just a worm.

So I'll set some boundaries, let myself get really fat & ugly, refuse to leave the house.  Avoid temptation.  Give up and give in.  Yep, like a brown recluse spider.  Just stay home and put the needs of others before mine.

And I'll stick in my thumb, and pull out a plum, and say "my, what a good girl am I!"



And die with a broken, lonely heart.  But I expected that anyway.