just thoughts on drowning

  My Near-Drowning Experience
My brother has always been a crazy daredevil.  From hopping railroad cars for a fun ride down the tracks, creating fire balls from a match and an aerosol can and then being rushed to the emergency room, setting up a firecracker "surprise" in his high school locker the last day of school, to motorcycle accidents, diving off bridges, scuba diving for sunken ship wreckage and more,his insatiable quest for adventure always seemed to lack a bit of common sense and a basic respect for survival. Nonetheless, he also possessed great skills of persuasion, which he used to enthusiastically encourage me, his younger sister, to accompany him on some of these quests.One of them involved his long-time passion for river kayaking.  It was springtime in Wisconsin, after heavy rains had created flood stage conditions on the rivers. I was back home for a short visit on my ministry furlough from the teaching job I had in the Dominican Republic.  Having just spent 2 years in a very challenging ministry environment, living in a 3rd world culture, learning to speak Spanish by trial and error, and battling monstrous spiders and cockroaches on a daily basis, I felt I was ready for anything. Physically, I had just completed a mountain climbing trip up the highest peak in the Carribean, plus I'd been a wilderness trip leader/whitewater canoe instructor for the summer before all that, so kayaking? a piece of cake, right?  Well, it would've been, except for one thing: my extreme fear of that tight-fitting "skirt" thing that completely traps a person inside the kayak.  oh sure, suppposedly one can yank themselves out of it if they capsize, but since Eskimo rolls are the usual procedure for kayakers, no "real" kayakers really worry about that issue.  Ok, so Big Bro assures me I'll be fine, he'll give me a quick kayak lesson in the beginning and then we'll be off.  Our parents drive us down to the river, at a place just below the dam, where the already overflowing river is at its highest, wildest condition.  We put on our protective gear, carry the kayaks down the river bank and carefully get in.  I'll never forget the look on my mom's face as we started out that day, and later she told me she didn't know if she was ever going to see me again.  So anyway we find a fairly calm spot on the side of the river and he teaches me the basics of kayaking, in a quick 5-minute lesson, minus any instruction on eskimo rolls, assuming I would just be able to tear myself out of that dreaded "skirt" thing should anything bad happen. uh, note to self here, never assume.  Basics covered, Dean is confident his very capable student is now ready to hit the white water below the dam and try out some fancy tricks.  ri-i-i-i-ight!?

First up, the break-away. You paddle upstream really really hard, straight into the current and the underside of the coming waves.  Then veer suddenly to the right, and lean, (which is it, upstream or downstream???) so that the wave then spins you back around and you go shooting down the rapids.  Looks like fun, and so easy when HE does it.  So caught up in the momentum and the adrenalin, I charge upstream with all I've got, veer to the right, then look back at my brother to ask, "which way do I lean again, upstream or downstream???"  Apparently I got the direction wrong, because OOOF!! Splash!! Over I went, hanging upside down as my kayak took me down the river in a mightly rush of whitewater currents.  Totally taken off guard and having had no time to even hold my breath, I am hanging there underwater, gulping down mouthful after mouthful of that mighty river, until my deflated lungs are crying out to be filled, as well.  It was probably only a matter of seconds that I was going through this, but it felt like an eternity.  Mentally all I remember thinking about was angels and Jesus.  Not even how I was going to right myself up again or tear myself out of that evil kayak skirt.  I was beyond that, already assuming this was it.  If those angels didn't pull me out at this instant, I would soon be face to face with my precious Jesus, and I was ok with that.  I've always had nightmares about this kind of experience, being trapped and drowning, and thought iit would be the very worst way to die.  I love the movie The Abyss, but there's a scene I can barely watch anymore.  When the guy and girl are stuck in this other underwater sub station that's quickly filling up with water and they only have enough air in a tank to get one of them back to their "home" sub station, the girl decides that she will let herself drown, then the guy will carry her unconscious body back as he swims to the sub station, hoping to then revive her with mouth-to-mouth resucitation when they arrive.  Of course it works out and there's a happy ending, but the terror and panic on her face as the water is rising and she's acknowledging what is about to happen to her, oh it's just too much to watch!  Soooo here I am hanging upside down from the kayak in the river, having similar thoughts.  I've since then heard that the experience of drowning, once you get past the panic, can be described as ecstatic, like being in a wonderful drug-like state.  Maybe I was getting close to that, since I don't recall a lot of panic, just thoughts of heaven and what it was going to be like.  I really don't know.  All i remember that happened next is somehow my head is above water, my thrashing about (or so I suppose, though I secretly think it was the angels) having finally yanked me out of the skirt, and my brother is holding the kayak and saying, "you're ok, you're ok".  I think he was actually pretty freaked out himself by the experience, though he wouldn't admit it.  We went over to the side where I coughed the river back up, before getting back in the boats and paddling our way back down to where our parents waited with the car, some 5 miles downstream.  It wasn't easy getting back out there on the water, and you can bet I tried my hardest not to tip over and did not try any more tricks!  But I'm glad I was forced to try again, so I wouldn't be forever frozen in fear of any type of water sports, which I adore.  Guess when I die I"ll become sort of a mermaid angel, flying around underwater.  :)