New creature

I recently heard a snippet of a message that basically asked if, when bad things happen, do you go back to being the "old creature", resorting to old bad habits, escapism, (partying, carousing comes to miond) or do I remember the New Creature that I am in Christ? And now I realize that it's not the old skin of my 'old, old, old self', that I need to avoid, the one that was into "that scene" way back then. No, I've dug up that old grave long enough in giving my testimony many times over the years. Those days are pretty much gone. Thank God. The old skin that NOW tries to creep back up on me, is the more subtle evil of the church face/yes-girl skin. The attempted squeaky-clean, submissive, wholesome Christian woman image I've tried to become on the outside by emulating what I saw around me in various Christian circles. Just trying to keep up, save face. Tried to be what I was told a good Christian girl, wife, mother should look like, talk like, walk like, even if it meant saying "yes" to a lot of things when I really meant NO, just because I didn't want to rock the boat or hurt anyone's feelings. Didn't want to draw attention to myself for being "different", or too silly or immature to fit in with my playgroup cohorts. Also just wanted the security of acceptance and an easier life. But it was a lie. A lie that bought me a much more diffricult life, a life of trying so hard to maintain an image that I forgot who I really was inside, and became frozen, unable to feel my deepest emotions. I cannot, I will not go back to that. No matter what it takes, I will trust God to see me through this storm and to live the life of a true, whole-hearted person. There used to be a commercial for peanut butter that went "Choosy moms choose Jif!" Well I want to be that "choosy" mom who "chooses" to be who God created me to be. No more losing my identity in these roles I play. I need the freedom to be choosy, not to just say 'yes' to whoever tries to choose for me. I need to become more of who I am, more fulfilled, gaining my true self by being 100% complete in Christ alone, not losing my identity and shrinking like I've done for so long.

My new creature. Freedom in Christ. Abundant life. Wholeness. Peace. These are the good things I am seeking. Not a Barbie doll facade.

 

 

 

 

 

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