Jennerosity Sonar: Thoughts from the sink

I love washing dishes at work. I know that sounds weird, but I do. Not the whole time, of course, but when the craziness of Holiday Drinks BOGO Happy Hour has me a bit stressed out, and the introvert in me has had enough interaction with all the coffee-drinking public in the world, it seems, I am just ready to go soak my hands in some hot soapy water and play with the power sprayer and the dishes for awhile. Besides, I'm a water person. It's got a strange soothing effect on me.

I also welcome being sent back to do dishes because it gives me a chance to slide back into my silent little world of my own thoughts. Last night was no exception...except that something had just occurred that required a little extra thinking time. What happened was...

...something slipped. A bit of personal information that I didn't mean to share with my co-workers, but it slipped out as this particular girl and I were joking around, and our conversation was slipping into that gray area of crossing some lines of inappropriate sharing. This, of course, is just the norm for this person, as she has absolutely no boundaries, it seems, and will loudly blurt out the most candid, uncalled-for details of inappropriate topics in front of everyone at work, including the customers, creating awkward embarrassing moments on a daily basis. But I also like her openess, in that despite some vulgarities, she's a very genuine person that is easy to talk to. Ok, so a little detail of my own life slips out, and she's like, "ohhhh, I'm so sorry!!!!" And I assure her it's ok, it's just a little crisis or trial I'm going through right now. I tell her that it's actually easier to tell people like her that I don't know very well than the people I've known for years. As I said, "Here I can just say, 'oh yeah, I'm a _______ and a ________ ' and you'd all be like 'ha ha ha, ok!!' and not be shocked like I'm supposed to be this perfect mom who's got it all together or something..." And she's staring at me and saying, "but you always look so happy!" And this conversation has only lasted about 10 seconds so far because we're always talking super-fast in-between waiting on customers, plus I've already had about 3 venti size caffeinated drinks... So right after this little bomb drops, the drive-thru "ding" goes off in our headsets, we're back to "hello, welcome to starbucks, may i take your order?" and it's as if that exchange never happened.

But it did. And we never get to finish the conversation because then she gets to punch out and leave for the day and she's late to something already and rushes out. And I'm left to think. In the sink.

So I'm pondering all this as I attack the dishes. And I'm thinking about what I would've said if I'd had the time, and the courage, to do so. About her comment, "but you always look so happy". hmmm, I guess she hasn't been reading my blog, plus I'm a good pretender. But really, I felt encouraged by that comment, and I know that the one thing that separates me from being a totally devastated person at home and on the job is my hope in Christ. It's His grace that keeps me going. I'm reminded of this verse:

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...." – 1 Peter 3:15

I am actually thankful, in a strange way, for this trial I'm going through, because it has given me a new perspective on sharing Christ with others. I am so aware of the fact that in no way whatsoever can I stand upon a platform of perfection or of good works of any kind, in sharing the good news of Jesus, but only from the realness of my own stinkin junk. Where I can relate with people. And share with them not in a churchy way, but a real way, about how the Jesus I love and adore is the one who befriended the freaks and the outcasts, and was criticized by the church people of his time for doing this. But Jesus reached out to them, like he does me, and he forgives me!

And about me looking happy? well, yeah, I'm a great pretender, but also... I am learning that when I feel sad, I can think about the small happy things in life, like the beauty in nature, or just the comfort of a warm, cozy bed after a long night of mopping floors, washing dishes and serving people lattes. I can also compliment others or thank them, pointing out the positive things in the people around me. And most of all, I can thank God for my life, my family, and his grace.