Claressa Shields, 18, the first American woman to win an Olympic gold medal in boxing.
What she tells herself when the chips are down: "I've got another round."
Sometimes
when someone covers your mouth
Stifles your voice
it makes you want to
Scream Even Louder.
So here I am.
I am woman. Hear me...
just hear me.
************************************************
Not last night but a few nights before, Satan came knocking on my door. Said he wanted to
Kill, Steal & Destroy.
Kill my spirit. Steal my voice. Destroy my life.
At first I gave in. Like I've been trained by his soldiers.
Wilted into a puddle of spineless, voiceless filth and tears. Just the way he wants me.
BUT THEN GOD.....SPOKE!!!!!!!
His Truth: I am....a child of God, covered in the blood of Jesus Christ. Redeemed. Loved.
CLEAN. Innocent.
Yes, I could stop there. Pretend that I'm completely healed,
and just close the book, roll the credits.
But No. Now that I've lured the devil in, thinking I'm weak and too powerless to fight, an easy
catch... Like a true fighter I may feign weakness, but then come on strong!
Take that, Devil! Crunch! Power Jab- into the teeth!!
Slam! Right hook across the jaw!
Ka-chunk!! Low kick to the knee, hear it crack.
Yeah, that'll teach ya... don't come 'round here no mo, devil...
This time I am confident that the Mighty Fighter Jesus Christ, who bore my shame and guilt on
the cross, He's the one who will continue to heal my brokenness. No, it won't all be a day at the
beach (like last week, that was awe.some.) No, I now return to the desert, the dry places. The
places of fakey small talk, busy-ness, of awkward moments and pasted-on smiles.
But no need to dwell there.
My point: I am now ready to SHARE my journey to emotional/ spiritual wholeness with other
women who also have this secret shame hidden inside their souls. No big huge deal,
really, this is mostly still just for me. My outlet. But I will do a few things to help other women find
they need in this area of sexual abuse. (Of course men can have this issue, too, but my heart
goes out to women, since I'm one of them. So men, if this stuff offends you, just quietly exit the back door and don't slam the door behind you, thank you very much.)
My plan: 1. Keep on blogging. Be real. Totally real. Even when it's ugly.
Always remember that, no matter what, Jesus has already won the war. I'm just picking up the pieces, cleaning up the mess, trying to re-create my messed-up life and helping others do the same. Always point to Jesus.
2. Include links, from time to time, to other sources of spiritual and emotional healing in this area. I am not a counselor, preacher or any substitute for a mental health professional. Get real help where it's needed. On my brighter days, I will offer my own words of encouragement. I will really try. But I must balance them with honesty. Just know that. I will also tag some of my posts to make them easier to find for these women who need to find them. If readers feel comfortable leaving a comment, please do. Here's one that was emailed to me by an anonymous reader:
"Jennerosity Sonar- you are brave, courageous and you are beautiful. You have a voice and there are many who need to hear it. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for saying hard things. What Satan intended for harm God will use for good. I will praise Him now for His Glory in your story because it matters."
Words like that mean more than I can express. I want to be an encouragement to others, but instead of just scraping off some superficial spiritual-sounding encouragement from the top layer of shallowness, I want to dig deeper and share truths of God's healing from the deeper parts. Even if parts of it are still partially rotten and stinkin' from being repressed for so long. (euw, that sounds gross).
Will there be challenges? Obstacles? Threats?
Yes, yes, yes. I realize that I am sort of the "other channel" of Christian blogs. I am not squeaky-clean, but I am honest. I share my ups and my downs. It's not a short phase, there's no quick fix. It's a journey. An ongoing process. I thank you for sticking with me. With me and Jesus. We're a team.
So I will close now with a haiku, and a Bible verse. See you on the journey!
*******************************************************************************************
Safe Now My Voice heals, protects.
Choice says, No One touches me.
Voice, my bodyguard.
**********************************************************
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
No comments:
Post a Comment