on just being myself

(just some self-reflection here...no big deal)

it's ok if not everybody likes me.  i used to not be ok with that.  now i am.  that's a huge step for me.  sure, i still want to please everyone and make people happy...and i can't say i never struggle with the issue anymore...but when it really comes down to it...i gotta be who i am, and if i don't like myself, that's much worse than what others think of me.  and one thing that i have not been able to stand about myself in the past has been not being my true self.  being scared and nervous and acting like i think people want me to act instead of just being myself.  if that makes any sense.  i am so much more relaxed and at peace when i am being the person i am, warts & jewels & all, than when i'm trying to act all prim and proper (on one extreme) or degrading myself, acting like i have no self-respect, to the other extreme.  i have lived in both places, and neither felt right.  i am somewhere in-between.  knowing i am justified by grace and faith, i don't worry so much about acting perfect all the time, yet knowing Who I belong to also keeps me from burying my crown in the stinky mud of a careless, dirty, hopeless life.

if only...if only.  i don't like to live in regret, but just sayin... if only i'd learned this important lesson years and years ago.  not only would i have prevented some great hurts that i have caused by not being open & honest about my true feelings, but i also would've enriched the lives of others around me more, had i been my own original self, completely me, free to love others with an honest heart instead of hiding behind a wall of fear and pretense.  like i said, no use living in regret.  move on.

and that's my thought for the day. well, one of them. i have lots. ;-)