i'm struggling.
i don't fit in with most people.
i'm not ok.
i need help.
Those 5 statements actually bring me great relief and comfort to spit out, painfully honest as they are. i'm tired of trying to hold it all together, pretending everything's fine. i'm the mature grownup, right? i'm supposed to know what i'm doing? yeah right. in your dreams. i feel like i've been on the upper spaces of the preschool game, Chutes & Ladders, & i just landed on the "chute" that takes me all the way back down to the beginning of the game. back to square one.
oh but when it's time to be around "people" again, those acquaintances, the majority of people i "know" who only really "know" the mask i wear, i'll act like all's fine. there aren't many "safe" people i can share these thoughts with. most people just don't "get" me. that's why i share here. where nobody i know reads this, and even those who do are shrouded in internet anonymity, like the priest who sits behind a screen in a catholic confession booth. (or so i've seen it in the movies, i'm not catholic, don't really know..) this blog is my confession booth. (forgive me, internet priest, it has been a full 20 hours since my last confession...", or at least i think they say something like that...) hmm, maybe i should've been a catholic. this confession thing really is refreshing..
till we meet in this booth again.... see ya later."Father Blog".
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