gym shoes & ear worms

          

               gym shoes & ear worms

Finally. kids back to school after 3-week break.  

First time back to the gym.  woo-hoooo!!

1st hour;  Body Pump.  

ahh, the familiar feel of that cold metal bar across my shoulders.

add a few extra  heavy plates today, we're gonna make this worth it.

loud, loud music, constant lifting, lunging, pressing, tightening, loving this.

tricep intervals, push-ups, then lift those plates.

call back that fire truck, my arms, they're on fire!

             So I've had some good ear worms lately.

             Random songs that stick in my head.

             Beach days long & lengthy

             Ear worms crawled around for hours.

             Uninterrupted.

              (love that term, ear worms, reminds me of the

                Hearse Song: the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, 

                   they eat your guts then spit them out. nice, huh?)

             Songs like....

            - Sara by Fleetwood Mac (drowning, sea, beachy words, plus, I'm an 80's girl!)

            - Breathe by Anna Nalick

            - I'm a B**ch by Alanis Morrissette

Last section- ab work: Hovers. oh.my.goodnes..if these don't give me 6-pack abs, I want my money back!!!

            Secular vs. Christian music has always been a huge inner conflict for me.  Music moves me to the core. I'm so sensitive to it. When I first came to know the Lord, I right away threw out all my "evil" secular influences of Prince, Madonna, etc, etc and only listened to Christian music.  But then as my inner junk still crept back into my life, so did the secular music.  Spent many years trying to find the balance.  Now i find these secular songs extremely helpful in re-connecting with the experiences and feelings I"m now trying to re-visit in order to get some healing in some areas.  So it's a dip into the secular for re-connecting, go through those emotions, then add a big scoop of Christian music with biblically inspired lyrics to ground me, reassure me of the Truth that sets me free.

        2nd hour: Body Flow class. Throw away the stress in the free-moving Tai Chi, challenge myself with some new yoga moves.  Actually mastered one of these moves, balanced in that pose for a whole half a second!!!  Would like to document it with a photo, but I'd have to set up a tripod, set the camera on a timer, then scurry into place and hope to synchronize the sudden flash with the half-second pose.  mmm. maybe not.

              More ear worms.  

              - Zombie by the Cranberries.  Love that song. I know it's supposed to be about a battle between England & Ireland in 1916 or something, but I understand it on a different level.  A mental conflict. "and their bombs, and their guns...in your head, in your head...Zombie, Zombie, Zombie-e-e-e-e-e..."  wow. How often I feel like a zombie.   In my darker days, I wonder sometimes, what am I doing alive?  Stumbling around like a freshly ripened corpse, up from the depths.  dripping of carnage that refuses to lie still in the grave  yes like I said, this is a thought from my darker days.   Not a constant thing, fortunately.  just being honest.

       wow, this one is so packed with explosives i could go on forever...

lyrics need repeating:  (comments in parentheses my own interpretation)

           another head hangs lowly

           child is slowly taken  (as in, something from MY childhood that was stolen...) 

              (ok that should be enough. pack up the ipad. leave this starbucks. go home & cry. but I continue...)

           and the violence cause of silence.  (ouch,ouch,ouch,please stop....)

           who are we mistaken?

           but you see, it's not me, it's not my family (i try to deny the dysfunction)

           In your head, in your head,

           they are fighting

           with their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns,

            in your head, in your head, they are crying....  (no comment needed)

            Another mother's breakin' heart is taking over

             When the VIOLENCE CAUSES SILENCE. (this reminds me of the horrifying stats of how many girls are sexually molested, 1 in 4, and how this crime is kept shut up, silenced, and becomes a horrible chain of bondage throughout generations.  we must break the chain. But these girls/ women are frozen in fear, emotions frozen like in a coma since childhood, their mouths silenced, by threats and by the media that makes us think it's what we wear that makes it our fault that the crime occurred. not condoning anything, just sayin. 

           ok, what happened to this carefree post about going to the gym. Is it this iced mocha that's making me shaky or do I need an ice cold corona just to push down these ugly emotions that keep bubbling up. 

             back to little mary sunshine. in the gym.

             more hovers. a hover is basically staying in push-up position, and lifting one arm at atime, balancing on toes and one arm, then the other, stretching, balancing, keeping those abs tight.

Finish workout, steam room, shower, pack up. Notice my gym shoes hanging in the locker.  About 3 little stones have gotten crammed into the treads from my last run.  As usual, an anology comes to mind... Just like my life, when those rocks get stuck in my treads, sometimes I keep on running, for a long time.  Don't notice them.  Then, like the princess and the pea, I feel that lump, that bump that throws me off balance.  Have to stop and pull out the rocks.  Sometimes they work themselves out on their own, sometimes they can be power-washed out by the fresh cleansing water of worship and God's Word & prayer, but other times, it means stopping our run. our walk. our crawl.  Stop. Pause. Time to use my own resources, strength & elbow grease to pry those stones out of my treads.  Exactly what i need right now. a therapeutic pause.  pause.......

ok, back to my last ear worm.  For some reason the radio stations like playing Guns n Roses' Sweet Child of Mine fairly often.  I'm not complaining, I'm an 80's chick, love those big-hair bands.  And such a sweet song.  Whatever axel rose is singing about, that's great, but I see it as going back to my own childhood, that sweet child of mine.

Before I begin, let me interject...that during this entire blogging session at starbucks, there has been this sweet little foursome of Japanese women at a table near me, chattering constantly in Japanese, with lots of sweet laughter,  and so of course it doesn't distract me one bit because I don't understand Japanese & I have my earphones in listening to my Pandora shuffle anyway...but it's just very touching, endearing.  I'm a bit jealous, actually, to have close friends you can speak intimately with for hours.  Guess I had that years ago, but it seems forever ago.  These ladies know the importance of female friendship and have kept it alive.  Perhaps they go way back, or have only recently connected as a way to stay in touch with others from their homeland, other expats.  I almost feel like I could sit down with them in the middle of their jibberish (my perception) and I could just pretend to speak Japanese in my own jibberish, and somehow we'd nonverbally still be communicating and having a ball.  I love other cultures. I love non-verbval communication.  music. dance. art. animals. nature. a friendly touch or hug. a look in the eyes that says, i understand. when I don't get enough of those, i suffer.

ok, back to sweet child of mi-i-ine....but first gotta get the groceries and the kids. to be continued later!!!!  (part II!!!!)  hang in there, grab yourself an iced grande skinny mocha, or whaterver.  see ya!!  :-)

        back again. but i'll be brief. i think...

here's some of  those lyrics i love of sweet child of mine by guns 'n roses (and my comments)

she's got a smile that it seems to me... like childhood memories

where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

now and then when i see her face, she takes me back to that special place

and if i stare too long i'd probably break down and cry..

whoa, oh oh sweet child of mine.

(ok, so far i'm getting the image of myself as a young innocent child, still delighting in my innocence, not realizing how quickly and forcefully it would one day be ripped away...)

she's got the eyes of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain

and i'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain.

(oh, how i wish i could speak to that sweet child of my past, to tell her, oh the things i would tell her.  to try to prevent those ounces, gallons of pain that were coming her way. she had no idea. she believed everyone, trusted everyone.)

her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place where as a child i'd hide

and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by.

(what were my fears then? an ominous dark shadow of something i was falling towards, unprepared for, oh if i could just hold that child & teach her to be strong. to know who she is, to cherish the treasure God made her to be, to really believe the truth of God's passionate love for her.  could events have been avoided?)

now that is truly enough for tonight. i've got to stop doing this. it's tearing me apart.

tomorrow i'll be little mary sunshine. promise.

'night.