My vision is being tweaked day by day.. From things I hear, things I read, heart-to-heart conversations, and my own heart's cry in my quiet places where I sit alone with God and His word. I listen. I think. I pray. I feel. I struggle with some thoughts, wrestle with my feelings, even fight with God sometimes. And my path is slowly being illuminated, one flicker of light at a time. I do not agree wholeheartedly with any one person or source that I listen to, I would be lying to say otherwise. (even you, God..boy, have i got some tough questions for you when i get up there!!) But I am thankful for them all. And I believe God is using them, along with His Spirit, to put me in a place of quiet learning, to help assemble my own voice, my own choices, till I am ready to take the next step. Whatever that might be.
When I think of the dreams I have for this lifetime..for dance, music, art, travel, sports & fitness, adventures in a tropical environment, a foreign land, ministry...all these great things have boundless energy and vision - the sky's the limit. But in this soft & squishy area of my heart... (sound of fizzling out..) I know that in this place, there's no place to go.
But...
I've found something wonderful, a love that is better than eros.
Not a selfish kind of love, but a love for my inner child, the real me that God created. This person inside who really does have a choice and a voice. No matter how squashed-down I may have felt for so many years, I am now choosing to let that child out, to spill its light all over my world. to train this child, to still love God and others, but to not be afraid to show my true colors. It's who God chose me to be. And if someone doesn't like my colors, too bad. I won't change my personality, or become smaller, for someone else. I want a new, true kind of humility. Like Christ. He knew who He was. He loved others and He wasn't afraid to say who He was. Thank you, Jesus, for such a perfect example of a healthy personality.
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