Titanic

Listening to old, old Christian music, old favorites like Rich Mullins, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith. the songs i loved when i first came to know the Lord, when the sky seemed to suddenly break open wide with the hugeness of infinite possibilities for my young life.  Back when I thought there was really a God who cared enough to one day send that special person that would make my heart sing with such joy, i would just know he was the one.  Not one i'd have to fight my doubts, my instant hunches and sense of settling, to go against the grain of my intuition and instead close my eyes, check off the needs, not wants, on my list, thinking that was the godly thing to do, and jump into my sealed fate.  Those were sweet days of innocence, when I truly believed God knew and would give me the very desire of My heart, not just everyone else's, those who lived with open honest hearts, not afraid to say NO to the things that clearly were good things but not God's BEST for them.  silly me.  i should've remembered, i do not belong in that class of people.  i'm like the working class passengers of the Titanic.  Give the more important people the lifeboats, the journey to a happier place, and leave the rats like me in this ship to sink and drown.